Thoughts late at night

So here I sit in bed at 12.40am typing away, excited about Nepal, with some mixed feelings on India.

Personally, it's been an interesting journey.  I'm still in my 'time out' phase obviously, but whilst I feel rested from the combination of physical exercise and sleep, I don't feel at peace. The hectic nature of India and a constant battle of wits against everyone seeming to want something from me is draining.  I've got fed up of the spitting, hawking, and disgusting personal habits of people around me.  OK, in SE Asia it's common to see people hawking through their nose and spit in public, but I've never seen people just going to the toilet on the side of the street like this before: not even in Africa.   The smell of urine hits you at every corner.  The litter is a real issue.  Garbage is left to rot in some places, eaten by pigs and cows who get distended stomachs from the plastic in their guts.

Yet there is such beauty here.  Whilst modern architecture is left to crumble into disrepair, incredible monuments have stood the test of time.  The countryside is varied and full of natural wonders, from lands with thousands of palmtrees and undulating green hills, to golden deserts.  People have surprised me, I've made Indian friends who I'll have for life.  I hate being on my guard all the time though, wondering when I'm going to get a scam attempt next.  The poverty leaves you dumbstruck, the animals break my heart.  Systems are outdated, if there are systems in place at all.  Commonsense does not prevail.  Yet people bear it, as if the fact that everything is delayed, or tied up in paperwork, or just doesn't make sense is part of what life is all about:  they can't change it, they don't try.  It's all tied into a mish-mash that is India. Once ruled by great rulers, you have to ask:  what the hell happened??  Can India be the superpower it deserves to be?  I hope so, for everything is here.  It's just hidden beneath piles of garbage and dirt.  A crazy race between the traditions that have existed for hundreds of years and the modern technological world that overshadows it.  The incongruity is tangible.

But I want to come back.  For a number of different reasons... it's left an imprint.  I didn't fall in love with the place, but I feel like I haven't skimmed the surface, that I didn't get it, or just didn't understand.  That there are secrets that I heard whispered but couldn't quite make out; a voice speaking the whole time that I couldn't tune into.  Hard to explain, and I'm tired now and should shut down the computer really, but this place has left me a bit confused and I want to get it down whilst this is in my head.

And one of the main reasons to come back?  I didn't see a tiger in the wild.  That's reason enough in itself.  As India takes hold of the reins of the 21st century, so tigers will cease to be.  Poaching from Tibet and China will be their death knell and there's just not enough measures in place to stop it.  I want my own personal memory of the King of the Jungle.  Let alone all the places, I missed: Varanasi, Darjeeling, Calcutta, the Andamman Islands.  It seems my confusing relationship with India has just begun.

Next update will be from Nepal.  Goodnight.


jassydevil said…
hey honey bun! I finally got over to your page and have linked it into my new blog so I can read it every time you post! (Couldn't find the 'follow' button??)

Hope you're feeling better today.

Much love,

Jazz xx