Spam, luvverly Spam!

We're all used to our Spam folder being slowly filled up with rubbish, but every now and then I take sneaky peek to see what spammers are currently 'into' and have a giggle at the subject lines.

It seems that penile enlargement has made a comeback! I used to get lots of spam about this, then it got mixed up with weird religious spam, vitamin spam, viagra spam, computer and business spam, and girls trying to get me to view their webcams. Hmmm... joy of joys every other spam email has reverted to telling me how I can add to her pleasure in the bedroom by enlarging certain areas of my biology, and for sure amusement value these are some of my favourites:

Headline: Pleasure all of your women with the size of your instrument! Well thanks Pedro Hicks. I am happy that you think I have many women to pleasure. If only! Personally my instrument is the organ. Seriously, I learnt to play the organ as a child. Bizarro!! How did you know???

Headline: Your new schlong will win more prizes!! Yaaaaayyyy!!! Well actually my old non-existent schlong didn't win any prizes, so I guess the only way is up! Will I be entering my schlong into competitions then? Radio phone-ins?? Reality TV shows? Wheel of Fortune? Oh I can't wait really. I hope my schlong wins me a holiday to Hawaii cos I could really use a break.

Headline: Do not be shame along of of your male instrument length. Actually Dr Rick Beal you should be ashamed of of your grammar. Wait, I don't believe you are a doctor at all!!!

Headline: If you treat your filly as a Goddess, why not become a God in her bedroom? Filly???? Seriously have we regressed to pre-feminism? Is it technically allowed to call a woman a filly unless you are a 60-year old English toff who still lives in the 50's and has a port habit? I do like the idea of becoming God though. Just think of all the good I could do in the world.

Headline: Beat her womb with your big new rod, so she knows who wears the pants. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Someone contact the social services!! Surely the whole idea for getting a larger rod is to make your woman fall more in love with you? No apparently it's to keep her in her place. I hope the FBI are monitoring anyone who replies to that one.

Headline: the quicker pecker upper. Finally!!! A bit of spam that plays on words! Appealing to the man who wants a huge schlong but has some working knowledge of the pun and an appreciation of the humour of English language. Spam for the intellectual. I like it.

Headline: Huge boner for you! Gee, thanks Geraldine. I buy my dogs one each a week from our local butcher - Barnie the Bargain Butcher actually. They are only $1.50 for one with a bit of meat and a lot of marrow. So think I'm covered on that one.