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Showing posts from 2008

Duel, anyone??

I’m a positive person.No, I am really.But you know what, every now and then I need a bloody good whinge. And damn it, it’s my blog so I’m having one, right here!I’m throwing my toys out of the cot, baby!And my whinge-de-jour is about bloody Brisbane drivers.I’m going to swear a lot in this one, so be prepared.Holy crap, people of Brisbane, where the bloody hell did you all learn to drive???I know this used to be a little country town at one stage – but now it’s a big city with roundabouts, motorways and traffic lights, and some skill is needed, especially when there’s thousands of other people on the roads as well as yourself.Most importantly these skills apply to the speed limit. This means that it is acceptable to drive at the speed limit.Not 20kms above it, especially when you lack necessary capabilities of traveling at speed – like being able to steer or indicate.If you prefer to drive under the speed limit (because maybe you recognize your own lack of driving skills), then pretty…

Theory of evolution and dole-bludging

I am now 37. Which means that people often ask me when I'm going to have children. My 'cut-off' date was 37, and that boat has now sailed for me. But to be honest it was never in port - I've never felt the need to reproduce. That maternal feeling has never been there for me.

Thirty years ago this was the exception. People had families, that was what they did. So what changed? Many of my friends are in relationships, and yet childless with no plans to expand their family of two past an additional dog or cat. Others, who don't have partners, aren't maternal either. Why? Has social conditioning changed so much that in the age of singledom we no longer feel the parental itch? It is purely economical, or has the need to produce offspring actually disappeared for many of us for another reason?

Here is my theory. It's going to piss a lot of people off but I really don't care so feel free to post comments if you feel the need to vent. Or agree. Whateve…

Close encounters of the wuss kind

Wuss - it's a wonderful term. It describes someone who in Americanese might be described a pussy. A coward. It describes me when it comes to pain - it's something I just don't do. My pain threshold is zero. Come near me with a needle and you have just turned into Leatherface and your needle is the mental equivalent of a chainsaw.

So What do you do when you find your hand inside a great dane's mouth, whilst he's having a bloody good try at swallowing your fingers in a first rate attempt as a canine meat grinder? Well I screamed and eventually tore my hand out from between his teeth, inflicting some nasty damage to my hand and digits. This is the start of a long story - well actually it's part of the way through a story. But this is Close Encounters of the Wuss Kind... so let's skip to the bleeding, which was plentiful, and the ambulance. I've never been in an ambulance - well not that I can remember. My encounter with... let's call him Snoop…

The wonderful Jill Robinson

In 1993 a slender, soft-spoken Englishwoman named Jill Robinson visited a bear farm in China for the first time. Visiting as a tourist, she was 'undercover', and she broke away from her tour group and headed down a set of stairs into an unlit basement. What she discovered down there in the dark forced the plight of the moon bears fully into the light and eventually led to the foundation of Animals Asia.

Bear bile has amazing healing qualities, yet the methods used to obtain it are so barbaric they defy belief. The beautiful Asiatic bears, who resemble American Black Bears in size and appearance and are so named for the distinctive golden ruff around their necks, are captured in snares and traps in the wild, thrust into tiny cages that can barely contain them, and have metal catheters thrust into their gall bladders - without surgery. Then these bears live out their lives in pain and fear, crippled, trapped, starved. All for the sake of 'medicine' for humans.

If readin…

Spam, luvverly Spam!

We're all used to our Spam folder being slowly filled up with rubbish, but every now and then I take sneaky peek to see what spammers are currently 'into' and have a giggle at the subject lines.

It seems that penile enlargement has made a comeback! I used to get lots of spam about this, then it got mixed up with weird religious spam, vitamin spam, viagra spam, computer and business spam, and girls trying to get me to view their webcams. Hmmm... joy of joys every other spam email has reverted to telling me how I can add to her pleasure in the bedroom by enlarging certain areas of my biology, and for sure amusement value these are some of my favourites:

Headline: Pleasure all of your women with the size of your instrument! Well thanks Pedro Hicks. I am happy that you think I have many women to pleasure. If only! Personally my instrument is the organ. Seriously, I learnt to play the organ as a child. Bizarro!! How did you know???

Headline: Your new schlong will win mo…

Tribute to Heath Ledger

Australia lost one of it's most beloved sons today. The handsome and talented actor, Heath Ledger, died today far from home in New York. I don't want to dwell on the how, but pay some tribute to a man that contributed far more to cinema in his short career than many do in a lifetime.

It's the eyes that get you first. Soft, brown and with a hint of the poets' gaze. In many ways that is what made Heath so unique. His weren't the classically tooth-capped, fake-tan, pumped up good looks of many Hollywood A-listers, but he had an easy smile, rogue-ish curly hair, and looked as much like he belonged in a romantic 18th century novel as he would having a drink with you down the pub. The eyes were enigmatic, belying a big heart, an impishness, and yet wistful and almost sad.

It was this inner mystery that attracted women to him in droves. Heath had his fair share of Hollywood lovelies, Heather Graham, Naomi Watts and the mother of his baby, Michelle Williams and the r…